Wizard's First Rule
The only thing that’s more annoying than stupid people are morons who whine about their stupidity without wanting to improve their situation. They have embraced stupidity to the point where it has become the norm and for them there is no hope.
The others, well, they search for all sorts of weird stuff they’re too clueless to comprehend. The extreme ones lean toward alien abduction, cults, hypno-therapeutic regressions to earlier lives and other similar enterprises. Apparently there’s happiness to be found in knowing what happened in a previous, exciting existence. The keyword is exciting, as I’m quite sure you’ll never find anyone who seriously claims to have experienced such a thing to have been an ordinary person. No, no, they were some appendage to a peripheral character in pivotal historical events. Never Napoleon himself, though. Even stupid people have a sense for what’s outrageous and don’t want to experience public humiliation. Professional psychiatric care is reserved for the nutcases. Everyone knows that.
But if your life’s so dull you find far past events to be more important that the present you should change it, not indulge yourself in a self-imposed neurosis. It’s sad to see people resort to such cheap tricks just to get a kick out of life.
The common man, however, watches TV. I’m rather amused over the breakthrough of shows like Dr. Phil and Dr. Pat Allen. Hell, I’m amused that people need to watch TV to watch people, but that’s just me. As with fanaticism it’s something I’m forced to accept - empirical evidence points toward its existence - but can never quite understand.
People who watch these kinds of masturbation productions because they think they’ll experience something valuable are badly mistaken. They drool mindlessly and get spoon fed platitudes. It’s nothing but common sense presented on a fancy stage by a quack who needs a hobby. Or a life. The underlying message is always: “Get a grip! Get a fucking grip!”
I find repetition tiresome and stay clear of it as much as possible, but these dolts can't seem to get enough.
It’s the part about the money that pisses me off. The fact that people are willingly offering to pay for it more than the actual charging itself, really. If someone dangles The Truth© in front of your eyes and says it’s yours if you but pay a “neglectable sum” the only acceptable reaction is to laugh in their face. If anyone says it’s easy or simple to solve your problems they’re lying. If it really was that simple, how come everyone’s not already doing it and has happily been doing so for the last few decades?
Don’t make the mistake of thinking you’ve stumbled onto something entirely new and unheard-of. Philosophy has been around for quite some time, you know. And if there’s no effort from your part involved, then how can there be a valid result? Nothing is free (free as in free beer, that is).
I will now quote someone:
I have seen angels
They were sleeping in gutters
They were standing in bank lines
They were jumping from towers
They were calling like seagulls
But nobody heard
Such a beautiful message
From such a common bird
This is the part of the text where I should continue saying something from a humanitarian perspective. Something with a solid foundation of love, respect and understanding. Something cute. Fortunately I won’t fall into such obvious traps. I will only say one thing: If you need a wise man to look up to, look no further! If you don’t think that you, yourself, are good enough, you have my permission to idolize me. At least I don’t charge you for it… yet.
By the way, I’m looking for voluntaries for a small project of mine. If you disagree with everything above you’re perfect for the spot! (Both you and I know that that was only a ruse; a necessary evil to lead the rational people away from suspicion. It’s just us special people, like you and me my friend, who are ready to receive the real truth.)
I’m working on a compilation of my personal thoughts and what I need is the time and money to finish it. Surely you can see that it is for a good cause that will benefit mankind as a whole. Once everyone follow my new, revolutionary, simple, scientifically approved and patented 12-step program there will be no more wars, no more poverty and no more France! It will also make you famous, rich and attractive to the opposite sex (or same sex, depending on your preference).
To accomplish this I need someone to take over my day job so that I can focus wholeheartedly on writing and administrating the movement. I also need assistants that aren’t afraid to do what’s necessary when the revolution comes.
Don’t let the French take you!
Monetary contributions are also welcome.
Oh, and I don’t really hate France. I just sort of not like it that much, out of prejudice.
The others, well, they search for all sorts of weird stuff they’re too clueless to comprehend. The extreme ones lean toward alien abduction, cults, hypno-therapeutic regressions to earlier lives and other similar enterprises. Apparently there’s happiness to be found in knowing what happened in a previous, exciting existence. The keyword is exciting, as I’m quite sure you’ll never find anyone who seriously claims to have experienced such a thing to have been an ordinary person. No, no, they were some appendage to a peripheral character in pivotal historical events. Never Napoleon himself, though. Even stupid people have a sense for what’s outrageous and don’t want to experience public humiliation. Professional psychiatric care is reserved for the nutcases. Everyone knows that.
But if your life’s so dull you find far past events to be more important that the present you should change it, not indulge yourself in a self-imposed neurosis. It’s sad to see people resort to such cheap tricks just to get a kick out of life.
The common man, however, watches TV. I’m rather amused over the breakthrough of shows like Dr. Phil and Dr. Pat Allen. Hell, I’m amused that people need to watch TV to watch people, but that’s just me. As with fanaticism it’s something I’m forced to accept - empirical evidence points toward its existence - but can never quite understand.
People who watch these kinds of masturbation productions because they think they’ll experience something valuable are badly mistaken. They drool mindlessly and get spoon fed platitudes. It’s nothing but common sense presented on a fancy stage by a quack who needs a hobby. Or a life. The underlying message is always: “Get a grip! Get a fucking grip!”
I find repetition tiresome and stay clear of it as much as possible, but these dolts can't seem to get enough.
It’s the part about the money that pisses me off. The fact that people are willingly offering to pay for it more than the actual charging itself, really. If someone dangles The Truth© in front of your eyes and says it’s yours if you but pay a “neglectable sum” the only acceptable reaction is to laugh in their face. If anyone says it’s easy or simple to solve your problems they’re lying. If it really was that simple, how come everyone’s not already doing it and has happily been doing so for the last few decades?
Don’t make the mistake of thinking you’ve stumbled onto something entirely new and unheard-of. Philosophy has been around for quite some time, you know. And if there’s no effort from your part involved, then how can there be a valid result? Nothing is free (free as in free beer, that is).
I will now quote someone:
I have seen angels
They were sleeping in gutters
They were standing in bank lines
They were jumping from towers
They were calling like seagulls
But nobody heard
Such a beautiful message
From such a common bird
This is the part of the text where I should continue saying something from a humanitarian perspective. Something with a solid foundation of love, respect and understanding. Something cute. Fortunately I won’t fall into such obvious traps. I will only say one thing: If you need a wise man to look up to, look no further! If you don’t think that you, yourself, are good enough, you have my permission to idolize me. At least I don’t charge you for it… yet.
By the way, I’m looking for voluntaries for a small project of mine. If you disagree with everything above you’re perfect for the spot! (Both you and I know that that was only a ruse; a necessary evil to lead the rational people away from suspicion. It’s just us special people, like you and me my friend, who are ready to receive the real truth.)
I’m working on a compilation of my personal thoughts and what I need is the time and money to finish it. Surely you can see that it is for a good cause that will benefit mankind as a whole. Once everyone follow my new, revolutionary, simple, scientifically approved and patented 12-step program there will be no more wars, no more poverty and no more France! It will also make you famous, rich and attractive to the opposite sex (or same sex, depending on your preference).
To accomplish this I need someone to take over my day job so that I can focus wholeheartedly on writing and administrating the movement. I also need assistants that aren’t afraid to do what’s necessary when the revolution comes.
Don’t let the French take you!
Monetary contributions are also welcome.
Oh, and I don’t really hate France. I just sort of not like it that much, out of prejudice.
posted by J.P. Reed at 05:52
2 Comments:
If I were a religious man, I would probably say "Amen, my Brother". The nature of our club demands this type of praise. This is by far the most well-written blob of words that I've read in a long time.
The way you so readily dismiss fallacious thinking and pseudoscience makes me think that you perhaps snuck a peek at the skeptic links that I provided you with earlier.
To top this I need to improve my verbal masturbation skillz. kthxbye.
Thank you, but it's nowhere near your "On a model of the inherent flaws of communication and the critical point at which it breaks down". The nature of our club demands more of those (proverbial) critical points. Giev itam!
Post a Comment
<< Home