The Worst Possible Insult

The purpose of an insult is to produce a reaction. Preferably one that involves anger, shame, tears and/or utter mental breakdown. The stronger the reaction the better.
In short, to insult means to OMGWTFPWN¹ someone to oblivion and we all like to do that once in a while.

There are various methods one can use to reach the desired goal. Some popular ones include the use of the target’s mother, which, in my opinion, is too impersonal to be of any real use. A good insult should be based on the personal shortcomings and failures of the insulted rather than maternal influences and occurrences that are beyond conscious control.
Insulting is no laughing matter and should be carefully planned and carried out with perfection.
Timing is crucial. Delivery is everything. Observe and wait for the perfect opportunity and then strike. Strike hard. Use what you loathe in your target, conjoin it with half-truth and formulate it so that he or she fully grasps the magnitude of your malicious intent.

The worst possible insult would be not to insult, under circumstances where you find your mark to be beneath insult and worthless to the truest extent of the word. To not care - not even despise - to that degree is the worst thing you can subject someone to. It far kinder to hate, since hating at least attaches value (albeit a negative one).
This means that real insulting only can occur when you have no need of insults anymore, thus rendering The True Ultimate Insult^™ inadvertent, superfluous and pointless.

If you still decide to use this approach there is one small obstacle: The plebeians are not aware of your scorn. There is no point in such an elaborate plot that the subject doesn’t even realize what just has happened. The satisfaction of result, the sought after reaction, is lost. There are no tears and no dread. No kind men in white coats.

So, to practice The Ultimate Insult^™ you need to hold a known grudge (all involved along with their pets, aunts, doctors and plants must be aware of your ill feelings) towards someone not quite as smart as me, hope that the poor bastard understand what you are up to and react accordingly by having a nervous breakdown. After that you can sit back, admire your work and simply ignore them to insanity.

But what if the insulting non-insult is understood? Would not the perfect answer to that be to not acknowledge being insulted? To hide the reaction. That has the potential to nullify the very purpose of the insult, making it backfire. Assuming the insulter is fooled to believe he has failed, that is.

Such folly!


¹Oh my God what the fuck-own^2
2A word to express superiority rather than ownership. Like many Internet expressions ‘pwn’ originates from a typo. ‘P’ is right next to ‘O’ on a QWERTY-keyboard.
There are also theories that it’s a contraction of ‘perfect own’ or ‘power own’. It may also be that it derivates from ‘porn own’, if you consider people that has a large collection of pornographic material to be superior.
Some say it first surfaced in the early 90’s in the MUD³ scene while others claim that it’s an old hacking term. The truth is that no one really cares anyway.
³Multi User Dungeon. A tedious, text based version of today’s MMORPG’s⁴.
⁴Check here for more information about MMORPG’s.

Kitchen inventory (or "Following through")

Due to popular demand, I will here post an inventory of my kitchen utensils (including eating and/or food preparation utensils). In some way categorised, here goes:

Crockery
12 plates
12 side plates
1 serving plate (huge)
12 bowls (z.B. für Müsli)
3 bowls of different sizes

Drinkware
8 glasses
1 larger glass
5 coffee cups
1 pitcher
2 Italian espresso cups

Knives
1 vegetable knife
2 bread knives
1 meat knife
1 smaller knife

Cutlery
5 forks
4 knives
7 spoons
5 small spoons
4 wooden butter knives
2 butter knives (stainless steel)
2 pair of Ramen style chopsticks

Food preparation utensils
1 potato ricer
1 cutting board
1 cheese slicer
1 potato peeler
1 grater
1 balloon whisk
1 potato tester

Cookware
3 saucepans (different volumes)
2 frying pans (different circumference)
2 spatulas

Miscellaneous
3 serving mats
1 colander
2 things liek, for mixing purposes
2 ladles
1 funnel
1 can opener
1 sandwich toaster
1 pair of scissors

Coffee, tea, etc.
1 coffee percolator (Moka pot)
1 'Gravity type' coffee percolator
1 tea set (teapot, creamer, sugar bowl)
2 tea 'cages'
1 thermos

Measuring equipment
Measuring spoons (teaspoon, tablespoon, the whole shebang)
1 measuring cup (1 litre)

A Slight Change of Plans

I had no idea that people actually read the posts on this blog (thingy-thingy). This makes for a necessary change of plans.

From being one of my sandboxes of verbal masturbation and self-indulgent behaviour this will now be transformed into a blog that makes sense. Just kidding. This will continue to be an eccentric outlet.

You may interpret this blog as you like. Find the hidden references, libel, indecent proposals, red threads in the stream of thought, cookies and yellow gnomes. But only if you have the guts to travel this dangerous road that may eventually lead you to contemplate psychiatric care.

Thought and action in harmony.

On a model of the inherent flaws of communication and the critical point at which it breaks down

Good communication is the art of least misunderstandings. Communication basically means a transfer from one World of Ideas to another.
I will in this post try to construct a small model of that transfer, and the flaws and potentially hazardous misunderstandings that it can cause along the way.

To make this argument we will assume that we have access to the contents of our mind. After having described the model we will clearly see how a message inevitably is distorted.
This in turn leads to more elaborate misunderstandings in the making of a point or in the more sophisticated attempts of reasoning. Or simply trying to understand each other.

Just for the sake of housekeeping on this blog I will here say some words about the communication between me and Mr. Reed. I consider the communication channels that operate between us to be perhaps the most well-tuned ones.
One might even say that we are somewhat close to understanding one another. And this after missing an appointment clearly 'understood' by both parties - by a month.
This model will sadly show that this notion of understanding is just a silly illusion.

Figure 1. Model of idea "transformation"/transfer

As seen in figure 1, the transfer process consists of several independent steps.
We begin over at the sender's World of Ideas. The message that he/she intends to send may not even be clear to him-/herself. In most cases it has some degree of fuzziness.
Now, that which to some degree prevents the sender to fully access the abstract thought is an unconscious filter.

To here convert the retrieved abstract idea into the sendable stuff we need to put it into a communicable medium. This is where language comes into the picture. Nonverbal 'language' does the trick in many cases, but when we reach a certain point it won't hold. Formulation is the largest bottleneck of this whole process.

This is where the 'tunable' part of communication begins. If care is taken to eliminate known sources of distortion, one can efficiently sharpen the edge of the message.
Then comes the actual transfer. Generally through soundwaves. The written medium (like this one), can also prove to be useful for these purposes. Part of the message might be lost during transfer.

When it then eventually reaches the recipient it is to be interpreted.
This is where the other mind comes into play. Preferences, hopes, wishes and fears will here play role in the subjective act of interpreting the recieved message.
Before this processed message is to be transferred to the other World of Ideas it passes yet another filter. Converting the information into the abstract stuff that this world is made of will cause some loss.

There we have it. If it was fuzzy at the beginning, it is even fuzzier now.

One thing that may lead to considerable misunderstandings is false (or destructive) feedback. That is, one thinks that one is getting through to the other person, when in fact one is consistently misinterpreted.
The other person thinks sense is made, thus sending positive feedback to the sender, aggravating and reinforcing the result.

Another aspect that might come into play is the conscious misunderstanding of the other person. In many cases we don't take the people we know seriously, because we know that they are just like us.
Fallible human beings, that is. So if you, a stranger read this blog, I might be able to make sense. Otherwise the silliness of everything will become abundantly clear.

The conclusions that I feel inclined to draw are these:

1. Verbal communication is unreliable, but necessary to civilisation.
2. One is able to 'tune in' to the other person's style of communication, thus to some degree streamline the process.
3. The transformation between Worlds of Ideas are is not bijective.
4. Communication breakdown happens when one thinks that one understands what the other person is meaning.
   

The Fine Art of Making Fun of People

One should always tread carefully when making fun of phenomenons and occurrences, choosing topics that do not offend anyone present since people tend to see an assault on their opinion as a direct attack on their ego. Hence the term ‘to make fun of people’ when you, de facto, are making fun of the things they like.

It would not be smart of me to ridicule all the emo kids of the Blogger and LiveJournal communities by e.g. posting a picture like this:

Nor would it be very wise on my part to ironically muse over the fancy words and expressions my esteemed brother, Mr. J.R. Libel, uses in his educational treatises. It would be safer to instead thank Wikipedia for its existence and help with the understanding of said treatises (thank you, Wikipedia).

Ridiculing in general is a good way to establish common ground in budding relationships or reestablish standpoints already existing ones, but mistakes can prove to be fatal. Talk to a nu metal fan and casually remark that Linkin Park, Slipknot, Limp Bizkit etc. are… Well, let’s not go there. We all already know that nu metal is a blight upon the musical carpet of this world, just like boy bands, Christian metal and MTV.

Ahem. It truly is a delicate thing to not insult potential readers but I’m just separating the grain from the chaff here. Now that we have gotten rid of the unwanted part of the Internet we can continue: If one is successful in bashing a topic everyone listening dislikes laughter will emerge to the joy of everyone involved. And the chance of getting laid increases significantly.

It takes skill to not step on anybody’s toes in large groups so ridiculing is best left for a small circle of listeners, but one should always be mindful of signs that your peers disagree. If someone is looking uncomfortable it’s best to navigate to a safer topic. Like religion, for example. Or one could just get new friends with more sensible views, a better sense of humor and a bit more distance to themselves.

This week's featured "The Simpsons" quote: BYOBB

Homer: Look kids! I just got my party invitiations back from the printers.
Lisa (Reading the invitation): "Come to Homer's BBBQ. The extra B is for BYOBB."
Bart: What's that extra B for?
Homer: It's a typo.

Source:
SNPP, Internet's finest resource on "The Simpsons"

On behavioural patterns and the pigeonholing of personalities

Some people would argue that people in general tend to behave in a pretty consistent way. No matter how situation-bound one's behaviour might be, there need necessarily be some things that holds true for you in most situations and over time and space.
These traits we call personality. How does one acquire this mysterious thing and is it apt to change over time and/or environment?

If I had answers within unreasonable boundaries of certainty, would these questions be presented in this clearly musing fashion? Certainly not.
Since many of these questions converge to or prove to be a subset of the whole spectacular question of free will (which looks grim), it oftens seems as if they are part of a bigger picture.

Old habits die hard. It also seems that old environments have a tendency of triggering old behavioural patterns. As one gets older, how hard is it not to teach an old dog new tricks. I.e. un- and relearn.

If personality has a basis in culture, that is environment, one could then make the argument that a change in language brings with it a certain amount of (if quantifiable) change in personality.
Too bad we don't have instruments for measuring personality. Sadly, phrenology is here a lost cause, no matter how interesting it might seem to be.

One thing that I have discovered (actually read about, mused and accepted) is how much of our perception is governed by what we expect to perceive.
This also applies to how we expect persons to behave, and this is after having not recieved clearly enough substantial information about them. After recieving something that supports our initial beliefs about a person we tend to discard other, bigger pieces that falsify the whole theory. "Make a decision and stick with it" - also seems to apply to personal relationships.

How this relates to the principle of pigeonholing individuals, that is sorting people into discrete categories, is not hard to see.

We do it automatically and without thinking much about it. That's one of the things I love about evolution [1] (provided the theory is true). Can you tell whether you are going to like a person after having just spent a few minutes with them? Most can.

With these homogeneously human traits one might feel inclinced to draw the conclusion that these levels of abstraction are, and have been, a necessary condition for the forthgoing of the human species.
It is, however, sad it is to see a few layers of rationality skipped.

Notes:
1. A later post might address a topic from evolutionary psychology. These wild ideas, you see, are frequently recurring.

Next big thing. Really.

In blatant disregard for good international relations I feel that I must share this with you: next big thing.

What's this? Is that the sound of David Hasselhoff twisting in his grave? Oh, wait, he's not dead yet. Damn.


Auf Deutsch (Höflichkeit von Babelfish):

In kraß Mißachtung für gute internationale Relationen glaube ich, daß ich dieses mit Ihnen teilen muß: folgende grosse Sache.

Was ist dieses? Ist der der Ton von David Hasselhoff verdrehend in seinem Grab? Oh, Wartezeit, er ist nicht noch tot. Fluch.

Kritik zur Ästhetik der Moderne Zeitalters

Public service announcement: The following presentation is brought to you by the Committee for The Preservation of Swedish-German International and Political Relations. Brace yourselves.

Sehr geehrter Damen und Herren,

Ich hatte so plötzlich eine kleine Idee gekriegt, daß weil wir tatsächlich (eventuell) ein deutsches Leserkreislein haben, können wir 'was lustiges machen. Dann dachte ich: "Warum nicht die Gelegenheit ergreifern, eine Fremdsprache zu schlachten?".

Und wenn Sie die Grammatik für eine Verunglimpfung halten, kann ich nur dazu "Verzeihung!" sagen. Warum jetzt dieser verrückte Idee? Das ist eine Frage, die ich leider nicht beantworten kann. Und was ist eigentlich in dieser Welt los, das treibt ein normalerweiser gesunder Mann sinnlos zu agieren? Kann jemand die Notbremse ziehen? Danke.

Und was über die Ästhetik? Darüber möchte ich nur sagen, dass alles in der falsche Richtung gegangen ist. Was nennen wir heutzutage "Entertainment" oder "Unterhaltung"? Doku-soaps mit Anti-helden, der unsere Kinder effektiv und total zerstört. Das sage ich. Untergang.

Das genügt. Tchüss!

On the destruction and utter annihilation of inspiration

The ability of the human mind to tuck away unpleasantries in some corner will never cease to amaze me.
Considering your own life as a closed system relating to this entropy-ridden world of ours; it becomes utterly necessary to fight back against entropy. Resistance. Reign. Rust. Such vanity.

However, when undertaking endeavours like these it is not unusual that one ultimately ends up right back at the beginning. Nietzsche (Beware: here there be name-dropping) spoke of eternal recurrence. I would surely curse that demon.

Again standing on these grounds I so clearly recall what has come to be faded - and almost lost in time. The things left undone and the words left unuttered.
If you recognise the tone of this post you might feel inclined to draw the conclusion that melancholy soon strikes. I would very much fight that notion.

What I will acknowledge is that something has awakened. For years it has lurked in the hidden parts of cognitive existence. Always waiting, cryptic with it's presence, and then it suddenly strikes.
It has been historically described as a neurosis. I feel dispositioned to support that definition.
To gain clarity, after systematical Gaussian elimination of possible causes, one eventually ends up with a pivot element that to some extent seem to support the initial conviction.

The big things don't change, people neither: they just get older. [1]
The unveiling of the illusion of entropy decrease has eluded, and led many ID [2] proponents astray, holding the argument that evolution is a physical impossibility. Poppycock! [3].
How did I ever end up here? Well, things do happen and it seems that I can easily get carried away.

Thought and action in harmony since last century. Fight entropy.

Notes:
1. Partially quoted from Six Feet Under
2. CSICOPs Intelligent Design Watch
3. Homage: Gardner's Fads and Fallacies in The Name of Science

On communication standards and why they ought to be agreed upon

Finding oneself in a situation where both parties of communication have two or more avaliable languages can sometimes bring about unnecessary misunderstandings and anguish.

Where only ad hoc consensus is established, this becomes unusually clear. This is the reason for my proposing rules of engagement. Social factors beyond conscious reach will often impede clear and rational insight into the ongoing process of protocol establishment.

In the social context that most student activities takes place in it ought not be impossible to standardise communication.

The language abilities can vary significantly between individuals, especially between foreign and native students. The language gap that brings with it a language barrier is here broadly speaking inevitable.
My proposal is an outspoken agreement.

A Nokian Requiem

The battery in my phone lives its own - short - life. I have almost unlimited stand-by time but it gets drained fast when someone calls. This gives me both the benefit of round-the-clock availability and a socially acceptable reason not to talk to anyone, at the same time! If the conversation was interesting I can reload the battery and call back. If it wasn’t, well, then I can always send an apologetic SMS claiming that although I like the caller and find it elevating to trade ideas with them I can’t talk anymore, since my battery just died.
This works surprisingly well whenever one of the parental units wants something, which usually is around noon when, surely, their son must be awake. I’ll just have to “Uh-huh” and “Mhm” for a few minutes and then go back to sleep as soon as the sweet, sweet beeping of a dying battery announces that talk is over. A good phone knows its master.

Another benefit is that the caller must state their business fast or risk to be cut off before the message has been fully delivered. I rather like that. It makes me feel special.

Sometimes I wish that it was possible to apply this in face-to-face situations too. Sadly, the social mechanics behind communication does not allow one party to just leave without the proper ceremonies, which include but are not limited to:

• Waiting for the speaker’s mouth to stop moving.


• Looking silently at each other for a few seconds.


• Looking away.


• Looking at each other again, trying to come up with a new topic.

And lastly, assuming all topics have been fully explored:

• The exchange of phrases of departure and wishes of general good health before the silence gets embarrassing.

To counter boring conversations at social gatherings I try to place myself in a secluded, yet comfortable location and then stare off into space. If that doesn’t work I talk to the cat. I’ve had some pretty impressive monologues with cats, with topics ranging from poetry and fashion to the joy of massacring synthetic rodents. Cats are good listeners, except when they’re hungry. Then they leave and go mewing at their human until they get what they want.
I wish I was a cat.

The constant underdog

Holy smokes! What is this? Another stupid commonplace blogger? Not this one, mind you.

Allow me to introduce myself: I am James Ray Libel (assumed name). That's J.R. for you, ladies. I have a certain feeling that you will go crazy for me.

Being fascinated by the therapeutic value of the writing process I have long been drawn towards expressing myself in writing. Therapeutic Machiavellian style, that is.

How did this godsend collaboration come about, you might tremblingly ask. After several failed attempts of regular blogging me and the highly respectable Mr. John Paul Reed decided to start a joint blogging project about the things that really matter in life.
Assuming you have read the description I will omit these. Though they will undoubtly resurface time and again.

Having past experiences of blogging I hope this thingy-thingy will be a hopefully not too irregular artistic vent. An over eight month long hiatus will now come to an end. We shape history. Today. Tomorrow. For all of eternity.

I expect great things from you. Do be careful of your cookies.

I am John Paul Reed

My name is John Paul Reed and I am eternal. I am fiercely independent and resent any weakness. All I touch turn into gold.
The inherent strength of my beliefs is mind-boggling and will change life as you know it. My genius is unprecedented.
My fulfilling and wondrous life keeps me busy so I may not write every day, but good things are worth waiting for.
My only equal is James Ray Libel and his words are mine, as mine are his. You will obey.
This is my gift to you. You will admire and envy me or I shall steal your cookies.

Like me, gods damn it! Notice me! Acknowledge my existence!