Sunday, July 30, 2006

Committee report: Put the Money Where Your Eyes Are

Ah, I have missed you, dear treatise. Wicked circumstances have, much to my dismay, conspired and kept me away from the Internets lately. I must confess that I have anxiously yearned - as I know you have - for my return to these sacred halls. Now, let there be words!

Please allow me to share with you my findings regarding the financial matters first mentioned in a P.S. to On creativity and writing and then further elaborated in Deception and accountability.

As the head of the committee recently appointed by Mr. Libel I plunged myself fearlessly into the depths of the abyss to humbly bring you back these grim news. Lies, deception, decadence and moral decay were the least of my problems in my struggle against those who so secretly and cowardly dare oppose the club.
     If you find it dubious that I am leading this committee despite
the fact that I am so closely related to the project in question I implore you to reconsider. We all know that I am a man of extraordinary moral standards and that I will never yield to temptation.

It is with great sorrow that I report that 366 € is missing from the club's representation fund. Where this money went is still unknown, but, honored members of the club and various assorted readers, I have identified the perpetrator! It was none other than my personal secretary. Believe me when I say that no one was more surprised than me. To think that someone who has spent so much time in my presence, absorbing my wisdom on a daily basis, could do something like this! Mr. Libel, ladies and gentlemen, it is with hundred percent accuracy that I reveal this. I would never wrongfully accuse someone of a crime so henious as this without overwhelming evidence. For investigation reasons I will omit these, though. When the matter is setlled they will be available for the general public in their entirety.

I am currently in pursuit [1] of my secretary, hoping to catch her and produce a confession of the connections she so obviously has with them. This is such a laughable display of hubris by them! This time they are in it over their heads.

[1] Please direct any information regarding her whereabouts to jpreed[at]linuxmail.org. Tips that lead to an arrest will be duly rewarded.

2 Comments:

Blogger J.R. Libel had the audacity to say...

Dearest Mr. Reed, you have once again excelled in the field of inquiry. Who would've thought that these dastardly acts were so shamelessly carried out by none other than you trusted secretary, whose existence I was unaware of until today.
Understood albeit not previously explicitly stated, the Council of Elders has granted you any and every avaliable means to engage this womanhunt.
Just for the record, I never doubted you for a even second. All we together can hope for now is swift justice. Thank you, Mr. Reed.

19:23  
Blogger J.P. Reed had the audacity to say...

Dear anonymous, I am happy that the report was to your liking. Now go eat poison and die.

00:57  

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