Paranoia and me
I have on several occasions said to Mr. Libel: “I’m thinking about writing something about <random topic close to my heart at the moment>”. However, these posts (with the exception of, perhaps, ‘The Fabled Conversations’) have not been written and, subsequently, posted.
I have hitherto only published such infringing things in an obscure and unknown (except to the venerable Mr. Libel, whom I – believe it or not – gain more respect for every time we traverse ye olde paths of communication) location. One memorable quote of mine is: “Humans really are sad, pathetic and lonely creatures (I’m no exception, no matter what I say… ever…)1”.
I can quite see why several of ‘The Great Works’ have been written by people in an altered state of mind. The human brain really does complicate things.
To break this trend2 I now present to you a post that should be published.
Anyways, to reconnect with the topic of this post I shall continue by rambling about paranoia. Be warned: Here be unfounded conclusions and bias, as should be in a proper rant.
For a lack of better subjects I have experimented (by what may pass as a circumstantial accident3) with sleep deprivation on myself. Even though my findings may not be remarkable or unknown, I can only conclude that a lack of sleep do make things more entertaining. I, dear readers, succumbed to unjustified paranoia without much effort. At one previous occasion I kept myself awake for about 60 hours and experienced general signs of uneasiness of mind, as well as physical nausea. While 60 hours may be extreme, only skipping one night of sleep brings on a certain fuzziness factor and set the stage for false conclusions, like the one I drew at work one day:
I was presented with a rather mundane task of recording some conversations on a digital device and then transfer these recordings onto a computer, for my superior’s evaluation. While the recording went fine, the transferring did not. The computer responded with BSOD’s and nasty hiccups as soon as I tried to move the files to the machine. As my work is computer-related, I came to the conclusion that this was all a test set up by my employer to see how I would cope with the situation. At the time, this seemed like a perfectly rational explanation. I mean, why else would it present such a problem? It could certainly not have been the cause of bad engineering by the manufacturer of the hard- and software in question. No, no, it was all an elaborate plan to show what I really was made of. A chance to prove my worth. After enlisting the help of the technical chief, who also wasn’t able to solve the problem of the mp3-madness, I was convinced that it was an all-encompassing conspiracy of mind-boggling proportions. As far as I can remember, I nourished that idea until I was at long last let home to a wonderful date with the Sandman.
I have also experienced and heard countless tales of mirages as a consequence of sleep deprivation. You see things that are not quite there. A tree may change into a person staring menacingly at you and that innocent shadow just passing at the edge of your sight must have been yet another of their agents.
Not only do you see and hear things that are not there, you are also not in a position to dispute these impressions since the mind is partially shut down. You register, but do not comprehend and interpret in a meaningful way what you experience. The autopilot is engaged and all you can do is follow.
Afterwards it was rather obvious that this was all a delusion created by my tired mind. Especially when I heard that several of my colleagues had the exact same problem at that the procedure was dropped for another (less technically dependent) solution.
My point here is that no matter how firm your feet are planted on the ground, your grip on reality does not matter if your mind distorts your perception of said reality and creates false premises, upon which you then forge your conclusions.
So make sure you get a good night’s rest. If you don’t, you’ll fall easy prey to them. Don’t let them sink their claws into you. Go to bed, as I will now.
Sleep well, my wingless friends.
1 Some typos (I was really, really drunk at the time, you see) have been edited, for your reading pleasure. The conclusions one can draw from the fact that I actually wrote such things instead of, say, passing out, I leave to you, dear reader.
2I do this just to spit the Deities of Unpublished Posts in the face. May they strike me down at their leisure.
3There are so many things do to instead of sleeping that seems like a great idea at the time. Like reading a good book, to name only one example.
I have hitherto only published such infringing things in an obscure and unknown (except to the venerable Mr. Libel, whom I – believe it or not – gain more respect for every time we traverse ye olde paths of communication) location. One memorable quote of mine is: “Humans really are sad, pathetic and lonely creatures (I’m no exception, no matter what I say… ever…)1”.
I can quite see why several of ‘The Great Works’ have been written by people in an altered state of mind. The human brain really does complicate things.
To break this trend2 I now present to you a post that should be published.
Anyways, to reconnect with the topic of this post I shall continue by rambling about paranoia. Be warned: Here be unfounded conclusions and bias, as should be in a proper rant.
For a lack of better subjects I have experimented (by what may pass as a circumstantial accident3) with sleep deprivation on myself. Even though my findings may not be remarkable or unknown, I can only conclude that a lack of sleep do make things more entertaining. I, dear readers, succumbed to unjustified paranoia without much effort. At one previous occasion I kept myself awake for about 60 hours and experienced general signs of uneasiness of mind, as well as physical nausea. While 60 hours may be extreme, only skipping one night of sleep brings on a certain fuzziness factor and set the stage for false conclusions, like the one I drew at work one day:
I was presented with a rather mundane task of recording some conversations on a digital device and then transfer these recordings onto a computer, for my superior’s evaluation. While the recording went fine, the transferring did not. The computer responded with BSOD’s and nasty hiccups as soon as I tried to move the files to the machine. As my work is computer-related, I came to the conclusion that this was all a test set up by my employer to see how I would cope with the situation. At the time, this seemed like a perfectly rational explanation. I mean, why else would it present such a problem? It could certainly not have been the cause of bad engineering by the manufacturer of the hard- and software in question. No, no, it was all an elaborate plan to show what I really was made of. A chance to prove my worth. After enlisting the help of the technical chief, who also wasn’t able to solve the problem of the mp3-madness, I was convinced that it was an all-encompassing conspiracy of mind-boggling proportions. As far as I can remember, I nourished that idea until I was at long last let home to a wonderful date with the Sandman.
I have also experienced and heard countless tales of mirages as a consequence of sleep deprivation. You see things that are not quite there. A tree may change into a person staring menacingly at you and that innocent shadow just passing at the edge of your sight must have been yet another of their agents.
Not only do you see and hear things that are not there, you are also not in a position to dispute these impressions since the mind is partially shut down. You register, but do not comprehend and interpret in a meaningful way what you experience. The autopilot is engaged and all you can do is follow.
Afterwards it was rather obvious that this was all a delusion created by my tired mind. Especially when I heard that several of my colleagues had the exact same problem at that the procedure was dropped for another (less technically dependent) solution.
My point here is that no matter how firm your feet are planted on the ground, your grip on reality does not matter if your mind distorts your perception of said reality and creates false premises, upon which you then forge your conclusions.
So make sure you get a good night’s rest. If you don’t, you’ll fall easy prey to them. Don’t let them sink their claws into you. Go to bed, as I will now.
Sleep well, my wingless friends.
1 Some typos (I was really, really drunk at the time, you see) have been edited, for your reading pleasure. The conclusions one can draw from the fact that I actually wrote such things instead of, say, passing out, I leave to you, dear reader.
2I do this just to spit the Deities of Unpublished Posts in the face. May they strike me down at their leisure.
3There are so many things do to instead of sleeping that seems like a great idea at the time. Like reading a good book, to name only one example.
posted by J.P. Reed at 07:23
1 Comments:
Ah, delusions, how familiar are we not. The notions that, at the time, seem so perfectly rational and obvious... I have encountered them a couple of times, most notably during military survival training. A tree branch grabbed my arm, I saw shadowy figures in the distance heading toward me, voices, waking dreams - lock stock and barrel. The common denominator can perhaps be said to be agitation and sleep/nutritional deprivation.
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